I have funny kids and they say funny things and they are better than twitter #funnyquotes! And I am pretty funny myself...
Me: Why are you eating my fries?
5 year old: They taste better on your plate.
Me to 5 year old: Why do you always leave the towel in the bathroom on the floor?
5 year old: Because it's my height.
12 year old: Mom you ok?
Me: Yes, my phone just died.
Me: Don't touch the candy for the birthday.
Kids: U got candy?
Kid: What is wrong with your eye?
Me: My baby punched it.
Kid: Why is the dog following you?
Me: I am eating Tuna.
Me: Can I just eat Tuna in peace?
Husband: Get this bowl out of the bedroom it stinks like tuna.
Me: No, it's not the bowl. It's me I just ate Tuna.
Me: Who ate the cupcake in the freezer for my blog?
Me: Why did you eat it?
Husband: I don't know.
Me: Where I am supposed to hide stuff?
Kid: That's where you hide stuffs?
Me: I got you roll ups for your birthday party.
Kid: Oh yeah those, they were so good.
Kid: Eat skittles, poop the rainbow.
Me to boy: Help me get your Birthday party ready by watching the baby.
10 year old boy: Can I go play video games?
Kid: Dog needs hair cut, my friend thought he was a pillow.
Me: What is wrong with pillows?
Me: I take risks everyday.
Boy: What video game are you playing?
Me: Who on earth gets a false positive pregnancy test?
Friend: You and People magazine.